Christ’s summary of the Sermon of the Mountain: Matthew 7:12
“Do to others what you want them to do to you,” in other words,
1. Decide how you like to be treated
2. Begin to treat others in like manner.
Five Steps for Lasting Relationships:
STEP ONE: LISTEN - talk less listen more
If you want to have lasting relationships you need to listen to others so they will want to listen to you.
Jesus and the Samaritan woman: John 4
He listened not only to her words but also to her body language.
He could hear her pain, dissatisfaction, sadness and showed her His sympathy. He could see it in the way she walked, talked, behaved.
He gave her undivided attention and offered a timely solution.
Feed back – questions – it showed that He cared for her situation.
STEP TWO: ENCOURAGE - give courage, hope
If you want to have lasting relationships you need to encourage in order to be encouraged.
Jesus changed the rough disciples into apostles with encouraging words and example to become the leaders of the Christian Church. Matt. 10
Jesus never used put downs. He treated the disciples with respect.
He saw in them the positive, what they could become through His example.
It takes ten compliments to erase each put down.
No one will reach their full potential with put downs but will reach it with encouraging words (see examples in the next page).
STEP THREE: APPRECIATE - Compliment, say something nice
If you want to have lasting relationships you need to appreciate in order to be fully appreciated
Jesus was not appreciated when He was alive.
People rejected Him, John 6:66; asked Him to get out of their territory, Mark 5:17; Told Him he had demons, John 10:20; His disciples ran away when He needed them most, Matthew 26:56; people wanted to kill Him, John 5:18 and finally they crucified Him, John 19:18.
Then when He was dead, Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus, (John 19:38) did something nice with His body: spices and linen, etc.
I am sure Jesus would have appreciated them most if they would have done something nice when He was alive, like Mary did, Luke 7:40-50
Let’s say something nice when the person is alive. If you want to have lasting relationships compliment now, not when it is too late. (see example in the next page).
STEP FOUR: FORVIGE – Be realistic, all make mistakes
If you want to have lasting relationships you need to forgive in order to be forgiven.
Almost all emotional problems and stresses come from unresolved conflicts. We don’t know how to forgive or ask to be forgiven.
Jesus taught us to pray: forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors: Matthew 6:12
Jesus was an expert in forgiving people:
He forgave the paralytic, Mark 2:5
He forgave Mary – adulterer, Luke 7:48
He forgave people on the cross: Luke 23:34
And He said: If you forgive others
My Father will forgive you, Matthew 6:14,15
Three observations about forgiveness:
1. People who do not forgive, hurt themselves more than others.
2. People wait too long to forgive other people. Do it now. Eph 4:26
3. People who do not forgive get sick. Your body was not made to carry stones - handle grudges.
E.White: “If we put aside our selfishness and pride it will take only 5 minutes will take to solve the majority of our problems”Early Writings119
STEP FIVE: UNDERSTAND – get into the other person’s shoes
If you want to have lasting relationships you need to understand in order to be understood.
Jesus understood the background of each person. He understands the environment, the family, the upbringing, of each person. He understand why a person reacts this or that way.
Perhaps a person has a headache or a sickness or an emotional pain or a rejection, etc. that explains his/her behavior. If we know these things we can understand and relate better with people.
In the story of Zaccheaus Jesus practiced all these five principles, Lk 19:1-10. He listened, encouraged, appreciated, and forgave Zacchaeus. No wonder He understood him.
Invitation: to practice these five principles with Jesus’ help during next week
Pointers on Human Relations:
The least important word = I. It gets the least amount of work done
The most important word: = WE. It gets the most amount of work done
Relationships begins with we – they end with I
The two most important words:
THANK YOU : It deals with appreciation/ gratitude -
The three most important words:
ALL IS FORGIVEN – deals with forgiveness.
If you want to be forgiven you have to forgive daily
The four most important words:
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION? –deals with listening –
You will gain people’s heart in a second
The five most important words:
YOU DID A GOOD JOB !– all want to be encouraged
The six most important words:
I WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER – understand you
We all want to be understood
If affirming – encouraging words were something rarely spoken in your home growing up, let me give you some tips on words and phrases that can brighten your own child's eyes and life. These words are easy to say to any child ( it can be applied to adults too) who comes into your life:
1. I'm proud of you,
2 Way to go, Bingo
3. You did it, Magnificent
4. I knew you could do it
5. What a good helper
6. You're very special to me
7. I trust you
8. What a treasure
9. Hurray for you
10. Beautiful work
11. You're a real trooper
12. Well done
13. That's so creative
14. You make my day
15. You're a joy
16. Give me a big hug
17. You're such a good listener
18. You figured it out
19. I love you
20. You're so responsible
21. You remembered
22. You're the best
23. You sure tried hard
24. I've got to hand it to you
25. I couldn't be prouder of you
26. You light up my day
27. I'm praying for you
28. You're wonderful
29. I'm behind you
30. You're so kind to your (brother/sister)
31. You're God's special gift
32. I'm here for you.
